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[aggressiveapathy]

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[wizzardly]

[even having lived with them for months now, Rincewind still can't suppress a startled yelp at their furry-faced appearance outside his door. He scrambles back and out of the way, eyeing the glue gun with no small amount of suspicion.]

What - what is that you've got, is this a robbery? I don't have anything worth stealing!

[from his tank in the corner, Bus the turtle watches all of this detached interest.]

[aggressiveapathy]

[ All he gets is chittering in reply as two of them- the ones armed with bedazzlers- start crawling up his legs to reach his hat. ]

[wizzardly]

[if the damn things could just talk Rincewind might not mind them as much. They would at least be able to explain what they were doing without Rincewind shouting and waving his limbs and trying to dislodge the steady-minded climbers.]

[aggressiveapathy]

[ Sorry, bro, but they are men (and women) on a mission. He may get an idea about the plan as the first glitter star is glued onto his hat. ]

[wizzardly]

[which is going to be a little difficult for them as Rincewind down the hall, yelling:]

Getoffgetoffgetoffgetoff - !

[only to (in predictable, narrative fashion) slip on a rug and land on his belly with an oomph of air. It is unfortunately difficult to see the things being done to your hat while you are wearing it, but at ground-level the information will probably sink in for the wizard now.]

[aggressiveapathy]

[ He is probably not comforted by the fact the raccoons take the hat- if only a few feet away- to be able to work on it better.

His name is getting glued on it in glitter. Adore them now pls. ]

[viced]

The fuck's wrong with Raina?

[aggressiveapathy]

her boyfriend

[viced]

That's it? You don't like her because of her boyfriend?

[aggressiveapathy]

it's a family feud, mitch
i called dibs on capulet

[viced]

Well nobody fucking told ME there was a problem.
Can't you get along with her? For me?

[aggressiveapathy]

are you dating?
secretly?

[wizzardly]

[shock and affront wrestle to take the lead in the wizard's brain at the theft of his hat. Rincewind snarls and flips over, fully prepared to tackle whatever tiny furry body is responsible - !

Then halts abruptly when he sees what's actually happening.

It... may take him a moment to process this.]

[aggressiveapathy]

[ The bedazzling continues. Glitter, sequence, stars, actual bedazzling

This may take a while. ]

[viced]

Does that even remotely sound like something I would do?

[wizzardly]

[he blinks, enraptured in the process, gone completely silent as they work. If he'd thought they were ruining it he would have lost his mind - and loudly - so clear Rincewind must be somewhat all right with what's happening.

...Maybe more than all right.]

[aggressiveapathy]

you're not married
a mistress is like bare minimum for the senate

[aggressiveapathy]

[ And so it was done. Then the newly decorated hat was placed back on his head and, in a puff of fur, they are gone.

The debt is paid. ]

[viced]

Still isn't happening, April. I take pride in being scandal-free.

[aggressiveapathy]

you'd be better off with a small one like that
she's hot
people would get it
makes you look kinda human

[viced]

And probably not fair, to either her or me, if I were to port out, or if she were to.

[aggressiveapathy]

god, mitch
if you don't have one
people just make up what you might be hiding
and i just don't have time to write all those blogs

[viced]

You know that the more they try to make shit stick, and it doesn't, the easier it is for us to look better, right?

I stay clean for a reason.

[aggressiveapathy]

no one's that clean
but god, fine
you're not sticking her
so why?

[viced]

Because we're friends, and she expressed interest before I made my intention to run clear?

And I could use more people in on this, if we're going to win.