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[aggressiveapathy]

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[enigmaestro]

Whatever method suits your angle most, just remember: he's fourteen and incredibly lonely.

[aggressiveapathy]

Mm. If I get arrested for being a pedo I want a lawyer with a fancy sounding name. And no fun ties. Or fake tans.

But...anything you wanted me to say to him. Specifically.

[enigmaestro]

I'll pick you a lawyer I would for myself, how's that for a promise?

As for the script, ah, I only really have objectives. I want to know who he's depending on.

[aggressiveapathy]

That's it?

[enigmaestro]

To begin with, yes. You're going to build a rapport with him.

[aggressiveapathy]

If this ends in marriage I'm out. I always call being the cradle in these May-December ones.

[enigmaestro]

Please, I'd bemoan to see you married off so soon after your last.

[aggressiveapathy]

It's been what. A couple months. That's like a million years to me.

[enigmaestro]

One wonders how you ever survive through an arduous workday such as ours.

[aggressiveapathy]

My torment is eternal, okay. But there's seriously nothing? Not even a 'told you so' you want me to drop on him?

[enigmaestro]

No, that's far too deeply a clue. He'd conclude that I was behind you and -- well, April, he's rather -- he's homicidal.

[aggressiveapathy]

So you're sending me. I kinda missed that I was failing that bad at the whole assistant thing.

[Sarcastic? Hard to tell.]

But okay, fine. Whatever. Just normal stalking.

[enigmaestro]

I don't think he'll want to hurt you off the bat, mind, you're a pretty girl. But if he had any idea I maneuvered you towards him -- well.

I wouldn't inquire your interest, April, if I didn't think you cunning enough. You know that.

[aggressiveapathy]

Mm. I'll live, I guess.

Or come back and want, like. A hundred vacation days. I've never died before.

[enigmaestro]

Just listen to everything I say, and you'll be fine.

[aggressiveapathy]

So. Be pretty and never mention you. Okay.

[enigmaestro]

Take an interest in Julius Caesar or Genghis Khan, it'll be an icebreaker. He's sort of enamored with conquerors of old.

Don't mention ideas like communism.

[aggressiveapathy]

Yeah. Big swing and a miss. I know that story.

[enigmaestro]

I'm relieved you're so experienced.

[aggressiveapathy]

Yeah. I have months of being paid to hate hippies behind me. But I'll drop the 'fish aren't meat' line, I guess.

[enigmaestro]

Good call. He's particular with his aquatic life.

[aggressiveapathy]

Okay. So. How creepy are you gonna be. Do I get a wire.

[enigmaestro]

I think you should have a wire, yes. I love that idea.

Highly related question: can you dress like a "hipster"?

[aggressiveapathy]

I charge for irony by the layer.

[enigmaestro]

This is a great argument for lesser, then. But I don't want to overstimulate the boy...