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[aggressiveapathy]

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[enigmaestro]

Do I need to dazzle you any other way?

A coup? No -- not with your own?

[aggressiveapathy]

tea slurping garbage pilfering traitors
he did it on camera too

[enigmaestro]

That must have hurt. But, context: was this in response of your aggressive tactics and are we thus escalating, or was this unprovoked?

I'll need to know per degree.

[aggressiveapathy]

it wasn't my fault
it's not like i said anything i don't always say
he's going through a stage or something

[Naturally. April is always blameless.]

[enigmaestro]

Then clearly, we must hit back hard.

[aggressiveapathy]

i want emotional scarring
or the rest of them will get
ideas

[enigmaestro]

Emotional scarring? Look at you, revealing your villainous intents over the slight of a kid.

All right then, emotional scarring within reason. I don't want to get all Dr. Crane on you, but what does he fear? Sometimes that's suitable fodder.

[aggressiveapathy]

i don't know
he's a guy
commitment?
that's why i'm here for help instead of just
putting glue in his soup

[enigmaestro]

Well he seems partial to you. What if he was led to believe that your raccoons, emboldened by their temporary coup, had viciously slaughtered you?

Maybe that fifty year old boyfriend of yours could be of assistance, in terms of special effects.

[aggressiveapathy]

please
he's at least 60
and would that count as sick time
for the days i'm dead

[enigmaestro]

Depends on how many days you're planning to play 'possum for the sake of your raccoons.

Two days? That's a decent romantic venture with your aged gentleman, don't you think?

[aggressiveapathy]

perfect
i'll get the blood gallons
oh, and you know
all the disapproval behind the age jokes just makes it hotter

[enigmaestro]

I refuse to be a conduit in your tawdry April-December relationship.


April, heh. Actually that's really funny, I'm really funny.

[aggressiveapathy]

i'll put it on your email signatures
ed nygma
funny
and happiness hater

[enigmaestro]

I find both epithets to be accurate. But you seem to be missing about a third of my name.

Threatening with the familiarity of nicknames won't stop me mocking your December.

PS Would this make you a Decemberist? See, I am aware of musical endeavors.

[aggressiveapathy]

oh my god
i'm going to kill felicia
for keeping you up on what the kids are into these days

[enigmaestro]

I cannot bear the irony of this statement, given Mr. Dillon's unfortunate condition.

[aggressiveapathy]

we're both hypocrites
it's a large part of my charm
and sexiness

[enigmaestro]

Yes, well, your charm and sexiness as thus derailed our revenge train.

[aggressiveapathy]

they do that
they're just unavoidable
even in text
but how much blood does the human body have anyway

1/2

[enigmaestro]

It's dependent on the subject, and the variables include body weight, height, and often gender is a correlation -- but the best indicator should be expressed as a percentage of one's body weight. The range encapsulating humanity is eight to twelve pints, and the average adult male has roughly ten pints.

[enigmaestro]

Wait.

Whose blood are you using for this illusion?

[aggressiveapathy]

what about me
how much blood do i have
in liters

[totally overlooking that last bit...]

[enigmaestro]

How much do you weigh?

I mean, I could guess (and accurately) and you can answer my former question or we can play this game.

[aggressiveapathy]

a lady never tells
her weight or blood source